Here is a blog post Dan wrote before heading to the BB14 House. I think it is perfect timing to post this one, considering the drama that ensued last night….
How I Avoided Blowing Up in the BB House.
This game is all about one thing: self control. When houseguests blow up, they’re gone. It’s as simple as that. It is inevitable that at some point everyone experiences conflict in the house. When this happens those who are able to maintain their self control are the ones who come out with the least amount of damage.
I first learned the importance of this when I began preparing to enter the house for the first time on Season 10. I went and watched Season 6, 7, 8, 9, and 2. Throughout all of the seasons, one player, Will Kirby, had done something no one else had done: NEVER lost his cool. No yelling, no screaming, insulting, or even so much as raising his voice. It wasn’t that he was never the target of anyone’s attacks or arguments, it was how he handled it that allowed him to be successful.
There was clearly a direct relation between success and longevity in the game and how you handled conflict in the house.
Personally, I use three tactics to maintain self controll:
1) I admit fault.
2) I take it like a champ.
3) I isolating the aggressor.
One thing I learned from watching Will’s game is that when he got pushed hard, he would almost always admit his fault to the other person. Sayings like “you know what, you’re right” and “I’m sorry, you are completely right to be mad at me”. This usually DISARMED the pissed off house guest.
The specific incident I felt Will was in the toughest position was back in Season 2. He was in the hot tub and Krysta went after him pretty hard. He sat there and just took it, while admitting fault. The situation didn’t escalate, it just slowly went away.
To see how I put this into play you can go back and look at how I talked to Michelle when she confronted me after America voted out Jesse.
Taking it Like a Champ.
When ever I get confronted by another houseguest who was extremely pissed off and looking for answers and or revenge I did the EXACT opposite of what most people do. I let them vent and I take it all in. I don’t raise my voice and in return it doesn’t add any fuel to the fire.
This season, I plan to coach my players, to do the same. It is not easy to sit there and take someone going off on you. But when it happens to me, I literally ask myself internally, what do I need to say to immeditaley disarm this person. Admitting fault, showing guilt and shame, and sometimes offering to make amends with a future vote are all things that will play through my head as options during a scream fest.
Isolating the Aggressor.
Another thing that allowed me to have some success on Season 10 is isolating the pissed off person. Take Ollie for example: when all hell broke loose after Replacement Nominee Roulette, I got the hell out of the fire. It may seem like a weak or passive move, but in actuality it is a move that shifts power from the aggressor and into my hands.
By walking away, the mob mentality gets beat. It is a lot easier to disarm one person at a time, than to take on 2, 3, or even 4 people.
Taking it one step further, I will also make it a point after things settle down, to approach the person and offer them an invitation to talk privately. This shows a small sign of goodwill and an extending of the olive branch. Even if they don’t want to talk to you, they will be thinking about the fact that you reached out to them.
It is my goal to teach the strategy of admitting fault, taking it like a champ and isolating the aggressor to my team mates this season!